


too much is never enough

by around_you



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Implied Sexual Content, Lowercase, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26486413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/around_you/pseuds/around_you
Summary: it was quite funny actually; the fact hyunjin was too afraid to touch her like this after everything they did.
Relationships: Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 121





	too much is never enough

**Author's Note:**

> title from the florence + the machine song

it always ended this way.

hyunjin cradling the exhausted body against her bare skin, ignoring the fact her whole heart was being crushed under the small weight.

(sometimes she worried it was _too_ small.)

the other girl's breathing slowly evened out and she gently ran her fingers through dark hair, brushing it out of her face. she kept her touches light enough to be mistaken for the night breeze.

if heejin woke up now and saw her, she didn't know what she would say.

it was quite funny actually; the fact hyunjin was too afraid to touch her like this after everything they did. but getting caught in this action held much more vulnerability than all of the desperate moments of pleasure, when heejin was too blinded by her bliss to see the emotions spilling out of the cracks from hyunjin’s usual facade.

hyunjin stopped lamenting her miserable situation a long time ago (even though she really only had herself to blame), mind instead wandering to the events happening earlier in the night. 

a few of their friends went out to drink at a small bar to celebrate the end of another series of exams and assignments. after throwing back a single shot hyunjin opted to just sit back and watch as the empty bottles lined up on the sticky table. somewhere between screaming her lungs out to a song jinsol decided to play on her phone and laughing at the aforementioned woman spilling her drink, hyunjin’s eyes found heejin’s.

(they always did.)

her friend was giving her _that_ familiar look and hyunjin tried hiding her throat suddenly going dry behind a suggestion to call a cab for sooyoung, who seemed to be asleep on the counter. it took a while but after everyone said their goodbyes and went to their respective homes or dorms, just the two of them were left on the lamp-lit street.

hyunjin’s arm was around heejin’s waist, the other girl leaning heavily into her, struggling to stand straight. realising they were finally alone, she leaned up to hyunjin’s ear and cupped her jaw.

“hyun…”

hyunjin didn’t take her time in steering them towards their usual hotel, listening to heejin giggle to herself or occasionally mumble her name (she hated to admit her fingers buzzed with anticipation every single time).

* * *

as soon as they were in the room hyunjin let herself be pushed down as the other girl climbed over her with some difficulty. she reeked of cheap alcohol and hyunjin felt her chest ache but she could just scrunch up her nose as the smaller girl's breaths hit her face.

she dragged hyunjin's arms above her head and held her wrists in place with one of her hands. hyunjin knew she could set herself free with a single weak tug, as heejin's balance was already poor. that didn't stop her as she placed her lips on hyunjin's neck, starting with open mouthed kisses that turned into teeth biting her skin after some time, already red and overworked from the mess of desperate mouth, tongue and spit.

hyunjin just lay there, the pain almost not registering in her mind. even so, pushing heejin away would be the last thing she wanted to do. the girl's undivided attention and desperation was something her body craved so much, she welcomed anything she could get with open arms.

(even if it was only pain.)

hyunjin couldn’t help the cries spilling out her mouth at the gentler kisses left on her jaw. she could tell heejin was growing impatient and tired though, her body grinding down and trying to clumsily get rid of the clothes between them. not wasting any more time, hyunjin turned them over to finally take care of the other girl, heejin's frustrated pleas soon turning into sobs of pleasure.

* * *

hyunjin figured she had a few more minutes before she had to wake heejin up. allowing herself another moment to just study her friend’s painfully beautiful frame, she let her smile fade away before going to gather their clothes off the floor.

even though most of the alcohol left heejin’s body by that point, the exhaustion from the past few weeks finally set in and hyunjin had a bit of difficulty dragging her back to their dorm, even having to carry her up part of the stairs.

haseul and vivi thankfully seemed to be asleep in their room and hyunjin finally tucked the half-asleep girl in her bed after getting her into more comfortable clothes. her heart melted at the soft ‘thank you’ heejin whispered into the dark room and she pressed a small kiss under her eye. she was allowed to slip up sometimes, especially when the other girl probably wouldn’t even remember it.

hyunjin took a quick shower, spacing out and trying to think about anything but the girl she was washing off herself. wanting to be done with everything as soon as possible so she could just rest, she looked to the mirror and felt her stomach drop.

she knew heejin would leave a mark- usually she would just cover it up with some makeup for a few days and put up with the girl’s suggestive glances. but there was virtually no way she could hide the marks littered all over her neck. the string of bruises almost looked like a collar, showing to the world who owned her. as if hyunjin’s whole heart didn't already belong to heejin, ready to be given to her again and again, if only she _asked_.

(she never did. not for anything that could be done outside closed doors, anyways.)

hyunjin trailed her fingers over the tender skin, moving her jaw around. there was a small part of her that felt a twisted kind of pleasure at finally being offered something more permanent, something that will stay for more than just an hour or two.

she finally sighed, deciding to just forgo the rest of her usual routine and go to sleep.

* * *

when she woke up heejin was still curled up in her blanket and she drowsily made her way to the bathroom after letting her gaze wander for a bit.

“good morn- hyunjin?”

haseul was standing in the hallway, one hand on the door to her room. hyunjin wanted to mumble the greeting back, but stopped at the older woman's concerned tone. she followed haseul’s eyes down to her neck and quickly slapped her hands over the bruised skin. hyunjin turned into the bathroom, knowing the woman would follow her. she sat on the edge of the bathtub and cursed herself for managing to forget.

“what happened?” haseul closed the door behind her and leaned onto it, her voice laced with concern.

“i-” she licked her lips. “you can’t tell anyone.”

haseul gave her a nod, but otherwise stayed silent, waiting for an explanation.

“heejin- with heejin. it just happened one day. she was just under so much stress and we drank a bit so i just… kept taking care of her.” she screwed her eyes shut. “we agreed no one was supposed to find out. it’s not usually… this bad.”

“so that’s where the two of you usually go…" haseul let out a small laugh, her expression hard to read. "well, everyone knows you could never say no to her.”

( _everyone_ \- she knew that included heejin, but decided to ignore the unpleasant feeling in her stomach.)

hyunjin knew they weren’t doing anything wrong, per se, and that their friends would most probably never hold it against them. but she couldn’t help the defensive tone, even if she knew it was her shame rearing its head for letting everything happen despite her own feelings.

“it's not like she’s just using me or something. and it's better than her just going around with random strangers."

hyunjin decided to leave out how she was glad for any kind of excuse she got to touch the girl she was in love with but judging by the pity in haseul's eyes, she hadn't been as subtle with her feelings as she had thought.

hyunjin felt a lump in her throat, barely forcing her words out. 

“if anyone asks, please just say I'm sick. please.”

haseul shook her head.

“okay, hyunjin. whatever you want.” she gave the younger girl a sad smile before opening the door. “i’ll be here when you’ll want to talk about it though.”

(she highly doubted she ever would.)

* * *

haseul kept her word on covering for her, as vivi brought some freshly made soup to her and left it beside her bed while hyunjin decided to go back to sleep.

* * *

hyunjin had wrapped the blanket up to her face and turned to the wall as soon as she would hear any kind of sound coming down the hall, which proved to be a great decision when heejin entered the room later in the day.

instead of going to her side of the room, she softly padded over to hyunjin’s bed and sat on the edge. she let her hand rest on hyunjin’s covered back, rubbing circles.

“you’ll get sick.”

“ah sorry, did i wake you up?”

“no.” hyunjin felt her heart hammering in her chest, but heejin was more than used to the girl’s short answers by now.

“unnie said you had a sore throat. and here I was already thinking you hated me all of a sudden.” hyunjin could hear the teasing smile in her voice, remembering the dismissive hums she gave instead of a 'good morning' earlier.

“i could never hate you.” hyunjin finally turned around, careful to keep the blanket in place. she let her hand slip out from under it and put it on heejin’s knee. the other girl took it into her smaller palm and grinned.

“wow, you really are sick. i told you i didn’t need your jacket yesterday.”

hyunjin took a deep breath as heejin played with their intertwined fingers.

“you should probably know about something.”

heejin just hummed and tilted her head towards her, the action making hyunjin almost want to change her confession.

( _i_ _love you._ )

she pulled down the blanket and grimaced at the realisation and then guilt quickly filling heejin's expression.

“oh god. i’m sorry.”

heejin’s hand instinctively went to the marks, trailing over them.

“it’s fine.” she lightly pressed down over her throat and hyunjin held her breath, eyes glued to the other girl’s face. she thankfully mistook her shudder for a wince of pain and pulled her arm back.

“shit- sorry.”

“it’s gonna be gone in a couple of days,” hyunjin cleared her throat. “so don’t worry about it. really.”

heejin spent a few seconds longer staring at her flushed face, something hyunjin couldn’t quite decipher in her eyes.

“okay…” she finally broke their eye contact, going back to looking at her lap. it was silent for a little while, hyunjin trying to ignore the ache in her chest.

“well, I just wanted to check up on you. i’m glad you’re okay.”

heejin's voice was soft as she took the big hand back into her lap.

“vivi mentioned something about going out later. i can help you to cover up if you want to go with us. or, you know, just hang out in the living room.”

“no, that’s fine. last time I checked hickeys weren’t contagious, but I'd rather not take any chances.”

heejin snorted and playfully rolled her eyes, the action making the other girl's heart beat faster.

“i'll let you rest then. just shout if you need something, yeah?”

hyunjin nodded, swallowing the ‘stay’ at the tip of her tongue, and watched as heejin’s fingers slipped away from hers. before opening the door the other girl turned around and smiled.

“oh and thank you again. for last night.”

hyunjin can feel tears prickling at her eyes as she stares into the empty room, unsaid feelings suffocating her chest.

it always ended this way.

(everything would be fine though. she already knows heejin will ask her out for drinks next week. and she could never say no.)

**Author's Note:**

> experimenting with something new lol
> 
> stream my sunday


End file.
